My posts are usually well thought out, planned over a month’s worth of time, read over and over again until . . . it’s ‘perfect.” Not this one. This one I’m giving to you straight raw. And as much as it’s killing me to do so, it’s something that I have to do! I have been challenged for the next month to post once a week and I’ll explain to you why.

I’m a perfectionist. Everything I do (and I mean everything) has to be organized, planned out, and aligned with the vision I have in MY head. During my devotion today, however, it hit me that being a perfectionist is and has always been my downfall. I have always tried to understand life all on my own. My pride and perfectionism want to know every move before I make it. It has to be done in such a way that I don’t look bad on the other side. It’s been a form of protection, I will say, from scrutiny . . . from humiliation . . . from rejection . . . from failure. But I asked myself a question this morning after reading Proverbs 20:24 (NLT) which reads, “The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?” The question I wrote for myself was, “are you willing to walk His way even if you don’t have it all planned out?” And that’s when it hit me. I don’t have it all planned out and as much as I would like to, I never will. So my answer has to be YES. My trust must be in Him, not in myself. It almost scares me to think how much I’ve missed out on by relying on myself. By pretending that I am some perfect being that can do no wrong. By believing that I am too good for shame and persecution. By regarding what others may think or feel if I say ‘no.’

Not anymore.

This is my public cry out . . . Lord, I need you.

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